You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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