Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
