And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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