My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
