dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
