After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
