He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
