We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
