you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
