i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
