You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
