the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
