someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
