jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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