She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
