bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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