I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
