Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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