i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
