so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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