So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
