which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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