I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You are a genius and a whore.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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