im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
