we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
