Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
