Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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