By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who died my cat blue again?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
