Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
