If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
