my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
