I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
