my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
