The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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