clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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