that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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