I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
