Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
