Ambien. No doubt about it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
