just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
