we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
