why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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