Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
