she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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