i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
