you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
