..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We have started to decorate penises.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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