In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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