I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
