Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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