if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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