I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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