I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
