I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
