I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
