Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
