No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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