I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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