i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
