We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
